That’s the question I tackle this month at LifetimeTV.com. I say:
Most of the readers, however, are urging me to go ahead and find a boy toy.
“Rachel, You can have both you just have to keep them separate….You need a very good babysitter for one and secondly you have to be creative. I hope it works out for you. Every woman deserves some adult playtime.”
Hmmm. What do you think? Single moms at LifetimeTV.com are advising me to be honest, have boundaries, and remember that this is “not a real relationship.”
Another single mom says that one of her former friends-with-benefits is her now-husband: “He adopted my daughter. Be strong and good luck.”
So, single moms, please speak up:
Do you have a boy toy?
Have you ever had one?
What were the guidelines? How did you set boundaries?
Lastly, do you think I’m wrong? Can a single mom have her kid and her boy-toy cake too?
Boy Toy photo courtesy of the amazing Keith Loh.
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You tell me when you figure it out…I don’t have this one mastered yet! I’m trying to have fun but like you I seem to get attached when a guy touches me. Is there a way to short circuit the DNA?
Elissa, Oh, that’s a good one… “short circuit the DNA.”
I always thought it was because I’m a Cancer. We Cancer-women just get too attached. Hmmmm.
I’m not sure I’m capable of having a boy toy, not because I’m more moral/righteous/better than anyone else, but like you I get attached and when I give like that I prefer something deeper — something that isn’t only about sex, although some of that SURE WOULD BE NICE THESE DAYS.
I guess that’s why I’ve had a decent number of dates but so few “relationships” in my life. I just don’t think it’s in my DNA dating make-up. I once told my friend that and she said, “Why?? It’s because you were raised Catholic, isn’t it?” (she’s an atheist.) Uh, no. It just doesn’t ring true, even though at times I wish it would!
BTW, I’m a Virgo, so it’s not just a Cancer thing!
Some people aren’t built that way.
Thanking God that I am.
It’s a physical thing–you know, “peaking” and all….if you think you can swing it, I’d jump for the rope.
Sometimes I WANT to be that girl who can just have sex and not get attached – but I am not – and I doubt I ever will be.
And you think you’ve got troubles – i am a pisces…try living and loving in that overly sentimental, melodramatic sign.
I too am a cancer… and I find, at least for me, that boy toys are only doable (no pun intended) during times of extreme preoccupation. I did it (took the dive into unadulterated, unfeeling sex) when at first going thru my divorce. I justified it with the notion that I didn’t want, nor could I even begin to consider any sort of a relationship. It worked. For a while. Then, as the dust settled, the attachment began, and my boy toy vanished into thin air. It worked out nicely for me, in the end, however. I met my very best friend (not same toy man) and made the career change of a lifetime through that “connection,” and am still good friends with that post-divorce play-thing.
[...] to say the least. It actually brought to mind a question asked by Single Mom Seeking, of “Can a Single Mom have a Boy Toy?” To which I answered yes – with conditions… Not that I was looking for a boy toy, but [...]
I feel to old to even contemplate the term “boy toy.” But FWB? You bet.
And a spare.
Hey Rachel,
I am not up for the boy toy experience at all.. why> I need someone who can offer me a little more than a penis! Especially, when it comes to the fact that as a single mom we are usually strapped for time and relaxation…. when I get the opportunity to relax and hang out I want it to be with worthwhile people…. someone who can make a contribution to my daughter;s life and who can be there when life’s emergencies come up… and I am wayyyyy too mushy for that… I know I would get attcahed and get hurt!
Oh…I KNOW I wouldn’t be capable. I am no Samantha from Sex and the City. BUT Even Charlotte would have her occasional fling. So, I would say maybe try with someone you are ONLY physically attracted to…and who you can’t stand listening to. HAHA!
[...] Single Mom Seeking discusses her LifetimeTV.com post Can Single Mom’s Have a Boy Toy? [...]
Oh, absolutely women can have boy-toys…I’m 39 and have 3 small kids…I don’t have time for a relationship, nor do I want one with all the baggage it entails…I went over a year after my ex and I split up before having sex…I found a willing partner who is clean and young and virile and is discreet. He and I get together when the kids aren’t around and we part ways until next time. And he is the only one…so I still think I’m respectable. Just none of the “garbage” that comes with a relationship…I don’t have to check in with him, I come and go as I please, I talk to who I want..I’m happy…
I say go for it!! I am a married mom of three who has been under extreme stress over the past few years due to a critically ill child (she is better now) and my husband getting wrapped up in less than ideal situations… my self-esteem was terrible and I did not feel sexy at all. Enter my boy toy – half my hubby’s age – gorgeous and he lives 1000 miles away. So we will probably only get together once a year or so, but MAN what a boost to my ego! Now I feel sexier and actually closer to my husband because *I* feel desirable and hot! I do exchange “hot text” with my BT from time to time – but hubby reaps the benefits when I pounce on him and I’m all worked up – and at that time I am just thinking of my hubby!
Hi i guess i’m what could be called a toy boy i did have an experience with a single mum, it was great at the start the sex was great but she definately as it went on i feel wanted more but she didn’t feel are ages were “appropriate” for anything like that and i had to agree i was 18 and her oldest kid was 13 and that’s not the best scenario, but i feel that any single mum can have a toy boy if you know for sure that’s what you want.
sean x
I was a 36 year-old single parent of two young boys, and had a boy toy 1/2 my age (18!). We’ve now been married for 6 years